Daina's avatar

Daina

Fandom Pacifist
481 Watchers241 Deviations
79.3K
Pageviews
It sorta came on me this morning, how lonely I am. The anniversary of my mom's death is a little more than a month away. It doesn't seem like it's been almost a year since I've gotten to talk to her, or see her. I still live with my brother, but we rarely see each other, and we're not...close.  We get along well, but there's not really any affection there. I don't think we've ever hugged once in my life.

Someone I love a great deal suddenly cut me from their life, and I don't fully understand why. I know she was going through some hard times, and maybe I wasn't a good enough friend. But I got a rather abrupt message and now I can't get any responses to anything I text or write and I wonder if it's something I did, or said, or didn't.  I'll still wait, because I said I would, and because it would be worth it if she'd someday talk to me again.

The only person I really have left, the only one who's stood by me these last couple years, lives on the opposite side of the country. Though I'll get to see her this summer, it'll only be a short reprieve, and then I'll probably feel even more lonely when I'm back home by myself.

I have co-workers, but I'll never really fit in with them. The strange girl who sits in the break room drawing or writing, or crocheting, listening to music from the 60s-90s or anime theme songs. The only people at work who really talk to me are a rather nice gay boy a couple years younger than me who often gives me rides to work and a woman with teenage children who probably has a dirtier mind than I do, an curses quite fluently. They're nice, and fun to be around, I guess, but they're not people I can fully connect with.

They're not people who understand me.

It always seems that people who do end up going away.
Is it something about me? Is it some sort of curse?
Am I just never satisfied with what I have?

Should I just not try and write journals when I'm tired from work and my energy drinks have worn off?

/whinerant
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
So.

I just spent twelve hours

working overnight at wal-mart on black friday

Let the implications just sink into your brain a bit.

I started my shift at six p.m. and we started out setting up and wrapping the pallets of goods that would go on sale at midnight. So naturally as soon as customers come through they start ripping through the packaging and grabbing at the items anyway. Out in lawn and garden were the bikes that would go on sale at midnight, already being picked off like wild game. I had my first break at nine. Returning fifteen minutes later, the next hour and forty-five minutes were a haze of searching for Barbie Jeeps, absurdly cheap hand mixers, and various crock pots. Come Eleven I took my lunch break, and indulged myself in a wonderfully huge plate of mashed potatoes provided to me by the mother of my co-worker/ride to work. It was so much better than the deli trays the store had provided third shift for "dinner" in lieu of working twelve hours. Then next three and a half hours were spent running throughout the store, searching for managers, trying to figure out where items were, if they were sold out or hadn't been brought out from the back room, when the tickets for the high-priced items would be handed out. Then hell began. It started with encountering one of the lines, which was waiting to get tickets for a 32" tv. They were calm and cool and bitter, and made me tuck my tail and run in search of a manager because they had been waiting for hours, unable to leave their line, to get tickets that had been promised hours ago. And I have to come back from speaking with a manager to tell them that they are going to have to wait another hour. It must be this time that exhaustion makes me delirious, because I ask one manager if I could help with the queue lines, and find myself placed at the head of one giving out tickets for 19" tvs. This line wasn't cool and bitter. This line was ghetto and loud and giving everyone a piece of their mind. And I spent the last two hours of my shift in the automotive section of my store, listening to bitching, whining, cursing, and keeping my back against the wall as I handed out tickets and instructed people to stay in line. Which naturally they ignored.

Somehow.... somehow I survived, and I may even recover.

But it doesn't seem like a year is nearly long enough if I'm going to have to do this again.

------------
CLICKABLES
------------

Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
If you go in a store somewhere, pick something up, then put it down somewhere else, YOU ARE GOING TO HELL


That is all.

------------
CLICKABLES
------------

Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In

DERP

2 min read
CLICK MAH EGGS


Yeah, I'm bored XD

------------
CLICKABLES
------------

Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
Stolen from :iconsnowpirateroy: Fill it out post it in the comments 83 *frolics off to work*



Your Full Name:

Age:

Single or Taken:

Favorite Movie:

Favorite Song:

Favorite Band/Artist:

Dirty or Clean:

Tattoos and/or Piercings:

Whats your philosophy on life?

Would you have my back in a fight?

Would you keep a secret from me if you thought it was in my best interest?

What is your favorite memory of us?

Would you give me a kidney?

Tell me one odd/intresting fact about you:

Would you take care of me when I'm sick?

Can we get together and make a cake?

Have you heard any rumors of me lately?

Do you think I'm a good person?

Would you drive across country with me?

Do you think I'm attractive?

If you could change anything about me, would you?

What do you wear to sleep?

Would you come over for no reason just to hang out?

Would you go on a date with me if I asked you?

If I only had one day to live, what would we do together?

Will you post this so I can fill it out for you?

------------
CLICKABLES
------------

Adopt one today!Adopt one today!Adopt one today!Adopt one today!


Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
Featured

Why does being lonely suck so much? by Daina, journal

Oh....My.....God. by Daina, journal

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT by Daina, journal

DERP by Daina, journal

MEME TIEMS AGAIN by Daina, journal